Sanitizing Without Regard for Sanity

I've returned from a nearly week-long hiatus and I want to thank everyone who wrote, concerned about my well-being and my whereabouts. And by "everyone" I mean nobody at all. Thank you for your wishes. I've also received word that some regular readers don't understand some or much or all of what they read on this blog. I kindly thank anyone who's reading and, if you find yourself confused, please don't become frustrated. Instead, please follow this link, and then copy and paste the text from this blog. For the best user experience, I'd then suggest selecting either "Hindi" or "Latvian." After all, everything goes better with curry and Latvian, of course, is the language of love. But let's get back to business.

While many Chicagoans have spent the better part of this week complaining about the stifling heat and humidity, I've instead concentrated on the love of my favorite rap ensemble's anthem. Either way, I think all of us can agree that my inside source at accuweatherchannelbug.com has really been on top of his game over the past five days.

But what really matters isn't how much we sweat while riding our bikes, but how inoffensive we can make ourselves smell after riding. As you may remember, I recently addressed some of the practicalities related to showering at or near your workplace. But as if sent from the gods to render every last word of that post obsolete, Trek has begun to distribute Rocket Shower, "the 'showerless' body cleaner." Faster than Jason Bourne, forget anything and everything I previously suggested about showering. This product is an instant game-changer. As you'll read in the press release, the "world of cycling has just gotten a whole lot cleaner."


monitor.It boggles my mind that we as humans can break the sound barrier, we can put astronauts on the moon, we can allow TV shows such as this to stay on the air for three full seasons -- but it took us until 2009 to repackage Lysol as a shower in a bottle. In fact, I'm pretty sure this is a Photoshopped image of the stuff our IT department gave me to clean my computer. Regardless, the wordsmith who crafted the Rocket Shower press release make a striking point:

"Rocket Shower removes one key obstacle for people looking to commute by bike: personal hygiene."

Amen. If there's one thing that's continually irked me about biking to work, it's personal hygiene and the common misperception that you should be clean at work. I've often asked myself, "Is there really a valid reason I can't spray a concoction of 'trace amount' of rubbing alcohol and car air freshener on my armpits and 'down there' (as the press release so gracefully explains)? Before moving on, I'd be remiss not to point out that Rocket Shower maker Linda DuPriest is a champion of the environment as well (other than the "environment" immediately adjacent to anyone who has used Rocket Shower):

"For those who want to spare the landfill and reuse their Rocket Shower sprayers, gallon and quart bulk refill sizes are available."

(Rocket Shower maker Linda DuPriest spraying down the crowd with her "product.")

Alas, Rocket Shower has forever shattered my comprehension of right vs. wrong. Never again will I take a shower and confidently believe I am doing the right thing. I can only wonder if Rocket Shower works like an addictive drug, where each time you use it, you need more to achieve the desired effect. Before we know it, there could be a generation of cyclists spraying themselves down with gallons of Rocket Shower at a time.

Speaking of addition, before I sign off I'd like to provide a sobering update on my stepfather's condition. Earlier in the week, I received a disturbing telegram from him (he prefers to communicate "the old-fashioned way"). He stated the following:

"Complacency is the worst enemy of addiction. With that in mind, while driving by a bike shop yesterday I spotted a recumbent outside that was for rent and the shopkeeper kindly allowed me to ride it around the parking lot."

If there's one lesson I can offer it is this: The only thing sadder than a grown man (or woman) riding a recumbent bike is that same man (or woman) riding a recumbent bike in circles around a parking lot.

Stay vigilant, my friends, and please keep the comments coming.

-TGOTB

A Fresh Start and Trendy Taillights

With my stepfather safely in treatment and unable to harm himself, at least for the time being, I feel it's once again safe to focus on other matters. And now that Bike to Work Week is a thing of the past, hordes of commuters can finally find their way back to lazier modes of transportation. This will allow the two or three people among millions in our city to ramp up for Segway to Work Week, which will kick off a week from Sunday with an electrically-powered rolling rally beginning at the T.G.I. Friday's downtown. Don't forget to bring your flair because, as you can see, last year's rally was quite an event...


...even if the actual Segway turnout wasn't that strong.

If you were unable to make it to yesterday's sold-out Eli's Cheesecake Father's Day Bike Ride, maybe it was because you don't have a bike. But maybe, just maybe, you have a passion for cheesecake. You can see the dilemma, no? In this case, it should come as a relief that Chicago's Bicycle Share Program appears to be moving forward. While the scope of the program apparently is still being negotiated, the public got a view of the bikes Friday, and The Streets of Chicago posted a review of the equipment. These are utilitarian machines, and they will not be bikes for riding enthusiasts.


The Streets of Chicago noted that the bike-share program was originally intended to encompass an area just outside of downtown -- with the northwestern point being North and Damen, but negotiations are in the works to expand the program citywide and beyond.

This bike-sharing program will need to bridge the philisphical gaps between the grassroots programs that previously sprouted across the city. This will be a hefty task indeed and Mayor Daley may or may not be in the process of enlisting a former Middle East negotiator. Add to that the cheesecake lobbyists at Eli's, who are certain to be pushing for an extension of the program up to their corporate headquarters on the Northwest Side. (However, common sense would also dictate that the Eli's and Segway could strike up a more harmonious marriage.)

The inevitable rise in Chicago bike traffic precipitated by a bicycle-sharing program will highlight the need for effective safety training. So it is particularly good news that the Chicago Department of Transportation and the Chicago Police Department have "tag-teamed" on a new training video. I'm sure you'll agree that the cover image of "Traffic Enforcement for Bicyclist Safety" draws you in and compels you to click "Play." From the first bit of action and the gripping theme music, the video does not disppoint.

In terms of safety, one of the most vital accessories is a taillight and, thanks to one or several nerds who took some time away from their Dungeons & Dragons game, you can now use your iPhone as a flashing rear bike light. Not only that, you can put personalized text on your flashing iPhone light!! If you have yet to purchase an iPhone but you're currently contemplating one, this bit of news will surely put you over the top. And if you've been debating the purchase of a new rear bike light, you can be the only person at the office whose bike light comes with a complimentary two-year contract and roaming charges.

In fact, while biking home the other night, I came to the Hipster Triangle at North, Division & Milwaukee, and stumbled across an early adopter with this on the back of her bike:


I don't know about you, but I'd venture to guess this will fast become the chain-link license plate frame of the hipster crowd.

-TGOTB

Nothing Good Can Come of This

I apologize for the late post today, but I received some sad and disturbing news in the wake of Wednesday's "Recumbent Recovery" piece. Unfortunately, it seems my stepfather has fallen off the wagon and is surrendering to his inner demons. After having read this blog, my stepdad sent the following note:

"I must tell you that I am very close to having a slip... Your writing here has been prescient. Just this past 2 days I have been watching ebay sales of recumbents, checking out the Dream Machine -- a sort of recumbent that is being sold in Herrington Catalog -- and have searched Craigs List for recumbents -- and have emailed about a couple. So the urge has blossomed into a search and may turn into action.....will keep you posted -- this could just be a fantasy that runs its course -- but you can never tell at my age...."

Herrington, the same catalog retailer that brings you $95.00 "critter shorts," is trying to take advantage of my stepfather's weakness. I can't help but feel responsible for adding fuel to the fire through the power of suggestion. In all honesty, I can see good and bad in his "Dream Machine" leanings (pun intended). It is more of a "moderate-cumbent" with somewhat of a traditional bike look, as opposed to this, which makes me think the rider is about to give birth to something. But the Dream Machine is no less scary, as even the "moderate-cumbent" is known as the gateway drug of this sordid subculture. We have tried to do all we can as a family, but in the end, only my stepfather can save himself from, well, himself. And please, please leave that potty seat on top of the Dream Machine unused.

So today has been a difficult day. After all, the recumbent addiction can travel across borders and it does not discriminate. I am praying that it will not infect my recently transplanted Bermudan friends:

They say you can't tell a recumbent addict by looking someone in the eye. But I am looking these men in the eye -- all at once -- and I see the fire of determination. It's either that or red-eye from the camera, but I am convinced they have not mounted the potty seat of cycling's underbelly. Stay clean, my friends.


On to happier news...

Sunday, of course, is a special day. Anyone can make a child, but it takes someone special to take that child on a Father's Day bike ride that's sponsored by a cheesecake company. That's right, Eli's Cheesecake is sponsoring the 5th Annual Father's Day Bike Ride. As you'll notice, however, registration closed Tuesday. So congratulations, you're about to teach your child a valuable lesson about disappointment.

The Pace of Chicago blog on Chicago Now has a helpful cycling calendar posted with info on some upcoming rides (charity and otherwise).

Personal finance publication Kiplinger has a good article on the benefits of biking to work. They're not talking about that boring stuff like "it's good for your health," or "you can do it because all the hipsters are doing it." Nope Kiplinger is all about money, and they fill you in on how you might be able to get $20 a month for riding your bike to work, and how you can spend several times that amount getting yourself ready for the commute.

Finally, this has nothing to do with Chicago directly (other than being picked up by a local newspaper), but you have to appreciate the ridiculousness of it. I feel like I've seen this movie before, though, and I can't help thinking it was much better with the prostitute and Dirty Harry.


In light of today's disheartening news, you have my word that I will do better next time.

-TGOTB

Recumbent Recovery, One Day at a Time

Chicago is a bike-friendly city, as witnessed this morning when "Bike to Work Week" Cheerleaders were offering free smoothies to cyclists. I politely declined by completely ignoring their overture, but this didn't stop them from yelling that I was "totally awesome" for riding my bike. This I also politely ignored by not even acknowledging them. I'm clearly not that nice a person. But I think the valuable lesson you should take away is that Chicago is, in fact, bike-friendly and you shouldn't render judgment based on my anti-social and unfriendly behavior. It takes a village, as our delightful pant-suited secretary of state once said. And from what I could tell this morning, that means it takes a whole lot of volunteers to give out a handful of smoothies.

On this morning's commute, I also confirmed that summer is indeed upon us, as I saw my first recumbent bike commuter of the season. I tried to snap a picture with my phone, but as you may or may not know, recumbent riders are deceptively quick (when compared with pedestrians). But for "actual reenactment" purposes, here's the bike, and the rider looked not unlike this fellow.

Now I don't look down on any types of cyclists and I support cycling in all its forms. This is exactly why I don't consider riding a recumbent a "type of cycling." I look at this in the same way that cities across the country swept the crack cocaine epidemic under the rug, even if the siren's song does have a sinfully soulful voice:


But as I read somewhere once, recovery is a lifelong process. My stepfather is a perfect example. No, he doesn't wear eyeliner or show up in the tabloids smoking crack, but he is a former recumbent owner and rider. It has been one-and-a-half years since his last recumbent ride, before he sold his "bike" to an eager buyer in Japan (complete with orange flag for the back), but my stepdad freely admits that he "has not gotten the recumbent out of his system." It is a daily struggle for our entire family to keep him on a conventional bicycle.

As I feel my eyes welling up, I want to encourage you to help those in need. Next time you laugh profusely at a recumbent rider, remember that his or her dignity has spiraled out of control and you should probably laugh and stare just a little less. And if you happen to ride a recumbent "bike," please remember the potential effect of your actions.

One other personal note/half-assed (pun intended) product review before moving on. I rode this morning for the first time with my new WTB Speed-V Comp saddle and was duly impressed. You'll note in the image below that WTB uses a patented technology called the "Love Channel," which the company describes as having one very important task: "protecting your body from unwanted pressure. The central depression provides soft-tissue relief without sacrificing the structural integrity of the saddle."

Personally, I would call it more of a "taint protection section," but that's why I'm not a marketing genius. Anyhow, it's been only one ride, but it's an improvement to say the least.

Now on to some links (in no particular order because I'm lazy):

Tonight is the first race of the season in the Soldier Field Cycling Series, if you're looking to catch some steamy spandex action.

Coming up in a couple weeks is L.A.T.E. Ride 2009, which will kick off July 11 at 11 p.m. and wrap up at 6 a.m. the following morning. This event is perfect for the recreational meth user.

It's nearly two months away, but mark your calendars for the "Bicycle Film Festival," coming to Chicago Aug. 12-15. I think someone famous said once that "being there is half the battle," but there should be some good films (that were most likely shot on digital video).

@bikechicago earlier today on Twitter linked to a good article with tips for biking in wet weather.

Metromix has a listing for "Open Streets." On Aug. 1, sections of the boulevard system running through Logan Square, Humboldt Park, Garfield Park, North Lawndale and Little Village close to motorized vehicles, allowing cyclists, walkers and others to hit the streets. Activity stations along the 8-mile route include exercise classes, performances and kids' activities.

Not news, per se, but the endeavors of avid cyclist Mayor Daley continue to spread cheer.

You can find various Chicago bike route maps online and at local bike shops, but here's a link to one created by someone with Google Maps.

Until next time, D.A.R.E. to keep kids off recumbents.

-TGOTB

The Practicalities of Common Sense

Apropos of nothing, there's something that's been gnawing at me ever since I read about it yesterday. While it isn't related to Chicago or cycling, I'm sure you'll agree it's a saga that has been gripping the world. I'm referring, of course, to the four Uigher Muslim men freed from the Guantanamo Bay detention camp. Desperately seeking a new home for these members of a "restive ethnic minority from western China," Washington found a match with Bermuda. And what a match it is, as you'll see in this slide show.

But I want to know more. What sort of ice cream are they eating? From the looks of things, they all went with vanilla -- always a smart move when first scoping out an ice cream parlor, because if the proprietor screws up the vanilla, there's no chance for the more exotic offerings.


However, my questions don't stop there. Why no sprinkles? If these men are, in fact, "restive" by nature, their ice cream decisions boggle my mind and ooze with hot fudge irony. I apologize for getting so far off topic, and we'll get back to cycling now, but mark my words and remember you read it hear first: there WILL be a sitcom featuring these budding young stars and their lives on the "tidy, postcard island" of Bermuda.

Moving on to less fantastical matters, I've received questions over the past few days about some of the more practical issues facing bike commuters. This being Bike to Work Week, you may be seeing an increase in the number of sweaty people in your workplace. That is, unless you work in a gym. So if you're one of those people increasing the sweat index or odor index at work, you might want to consider taking a shower. And by "might want to consider," I mean you're probably offending everyone around you and you're doing yourself a great disservice to yourself and you should likely be ashamed of yourself. But again, if you work in a gym, ignore that last thought.

I understand this isn't a cut and dry issue, though (pun intended). If your commute is a few miles or less, you may not need to shower, but if you ride fast and you have the talent of sweating from simply watching a beach scene on TV (especially if he's involved in the action), then a shower between ride and work will probably do you well.

If you're lucky enough to work in a building with a gym or gym access, then you don't have an issue (other than the profuse sweating thing, and for that you may want to contact a physician). The vast majority of workplaces, however, don't have that luxury. There are options (some costlier than others):

You can see if your employer has a deal with one of the local gyms for discounted rates. If so, you can get a membership and use their facilities. Plus, while you're there, nobody will even notice how smelly and sweaty you are -- unless you've got a very specific chili-dog sort of stench going on. In that case, I'd contact the previously mentioned physician.

Before the fitness center opened in my building, I called around and found a gym a few blocks away that let me pay a very small monthly fee to simply rent a locker use the showers. Good deal, and if you work near the Magnificent Mile, I'd recommend the place: Onterie Fitness Center on E. Ontario. If you work elsewhere, it's worth calling around because some gyms have deals like this.

Another option, if you're in the Loop, is the McDonald's Cycle Center in Millennium Park. Last time I checked was last summer and, at the time, they had a long wait to get bike parking. But if this location is convenient, give them a call because they might allow access to the showers and lockers for a small fee. I initially thought the idea of using city-run "public" showers was pretty creepy and probably not the cleanest, given that you never know when you might run into a Republican Senator.

Anyway, just a couple ideas, but there are options out there and finding one might only take a few phone calls. "I thought biking to work was supposed to be free," you complain. To that I say, "You're probably one of those people who showered once a week in college and chances are you need a bath right now."

Another question that no one has asked me directly, but which I've posed to myself on numerous commutes is, "What's the deal with the skater helmets on cyclists?" This trend appears to have taken hold more in the hipster community, but not only among the messenger wannabes on their fixed-gears. Riding without a helmet in the city is clearly one of the dumber things you can do, so at least these people are wearing head protection. Yes, bike helmets look stupid, but do these really make you look cooler? Not only will this type of helmet make your head sweatier (with its inferior ventilation), but someone might try to pick up a seven-ten split with you:

So let's recap for the form-before-function crowd: Wearing a skate helmet instead of a more conventional bike helmet will raise the Workplace Sweat Index (WSI), and you'll look more than a little like this guy:
The least you could do is get one of these to complete the hipster metamorphosis (or hipstorphosis, if you will):


Please stop sweating, dry off, and think about what we've discussed, and I'll be sure to keep you abreast of my efforts to get "Shower at Work Week" through the city council.

-TGOTB

The Rumble in the Craig's List Jungle

Great virtual and anonymous argument tonight on Craig's List Chicago bike postings. If you're unfamiliar with the blueprint, it goes something like this:

Seller A will list an item that may or may not be outlandish in terms of asking price or what he or she is actually trying to sell. A "Concerned Citizen"/potential buyer/all-around curmudgeonly bike nerd will become enraged by Seller A's asking price or listed item, which results in anything from a single snarky comment to a full-blown battle royale with all the trimmings of a highly dysfunctional Thanksgiving dinner. The latter is the situation I encountered tonight and, suffice to say, this is the best of the best.

Tonight is the rare occasion when the stars have aligned and the Craig's List vultures all find their way onto what is basically the Amsterdam of the Internet. From what I can tell, "Craig" is nowhere to be found, and people are willing to drool over just about anything that a seller puts front and center in the storefront window. (Note: I am well aware that I'm no better than any of tonight's "debate" participants because, yes, the most exciting thing I could think to do tonight at 11:30 p.m. CDT was to surf through the bike ads on Craig's List.)

So let me set the scene for you, and as I do so you may want to turn down the lights. In essence, tonight's bout didn't involve a particular seller, but several curmudgeonly bike nerds (some posing as "Concerned Citizens"). From here on out we'll refer to these participants as CBN1, CBN2, CBN3, etc. (Another Note: By the time I'm posting this, some of the Craig's List postings have been pulled down or flagged by other users, so I can't link to them...pasting text and images instead.)

The first post seemed innocuous enough, not unlike many posts I've seen in recent months. With fixed-gear bikes all the rage, and converted old crappy road bikes flooding the pages of Craig's List, I'll often see people comment on the ridiculousness of bike prices, especially for some of these crappy "fixie" conversions. Round 1 of tonight's debate was no different on the surface, but upon reading the post, I could feel the hair's on the back of my neck stand up. I got the feeling that I was possibly about to witness something special -- probably not unlike a pitching coach watching his ace on the mound, and just knowing that on that night, he has the stuff for a no-hitter.

The title of CBN1's initial post sent out the feelers: "fixed gear conversions!!!" It could have easily gone the other way. Maybe it was an out-of-work bike mechanic looking to convert people's old crappy ten-speeds for a few bucks. But no:

"a couple things. just because you spend over one hundred dollars powdercoating some road bike frame from the 80's, don't think that adds to its value. its kinda your loss. same with assuming the value of all the parts together as a whole is a good indicator of how much you can sell a bike for. im just kind of getting sick of seeing old schwinn and raleighs with over 500 dollar price tags just because they had a few 'upgrades'"

Not long after, CBN2 took the bait. I have to say, the way in which CBN2 harnessed the economic theory of Milton Friedman stirred my soul. I just as easily could have been listening to Woodrow Wilson telling Joseph Stalin to "tear down that wall" in one of his "fireside chats." Or was that Grover Cleveland. In any event, I was hooked, especially after CBN2 raised the stakes by adding a visual aid:

"A couple of things...in a free market economy the consumer should be able to make a decision on how much something is worth. If they have the money to pay for a fixed gear conversion, and can appreciate someone taking their time to repaint an old bike, add a few upgrades, spend a little quality time to make something old look new...(IT'S OK). They don't need some poor ass punk offering advice on how to spend their money. Just because you have no skills to upgrade anything other than your opinion, does not mean anything to anyone. You want to chip in your two cents about everything related to bikes as if your opinion matters. STFU and get a job. The person that does the work as the artist, developer, worker/fixed gear converter... has the right to control their asking price. If they don't get what they are asking for they can drop the price as needed. If you are sick of seeing old schwinn and raleighs with over 500 dollar price tags, then stop looking on CL Bikes, and mind your business somewhere else. CL can be a great opportunity for someone with a passion and desire to make or remake something into something beautiful. All you want to do is criticize and talk about how tired you are of seeing this or that. If you don't like the channel, change the station you idiot."


The next move is where the debate got a bit fuzzy -- is it CBN1 entering a rebuttal? Or did we have an interloper? I believe it was the latter, CBN3, and he/she made a desperate call to the lowest common denominator:

"Hey Mr. Free Market Economy.... You are a DORK!" (Location: Whah whah whah)

Game on, my friends. Only minutes later, CBN2 came roaring back, again using poignant graphics to back up his/her argument:

" They called me a dork too...." Touche.

Clearly having taken the time to polish his/her rebuttal, CBN1 issued a virtual all-points bulletin that he/she is an anonymous force to be reckoned with, spewing the response with teleprompter precision. CBN1 could have taken the safe route and played John Maynard Keynes to CBN2's Chicago school of economic thought. But no. CBN1 went for broke and I have to admire that risk, which came complete with ironicly staged Commie propaganda:

"ooohhhkay, i usually would never respond to this, but being called an idiot over the internet has seriously offended me. also, the edgy and almost stream-of-conscious prose that the poster uses really came through to me in lines such as 'STFU and get a job'. Who is this guy? I mean, hes obviously an ardent opponent of anything that he sees as anti-capitalistic, so much that he will accuse someone with a different opinion of not having a job. I mean, with these type of bikes being all the rage, isn't just as important to let people know they dont need to shell out 'their hard earned money' when you get something just as good for usually half the price?"


I can't help but wonder, though, by using your "hard earned money" to get something "just as good for usually half the price," was CBN1 covertly trying to get people to buy this?

Sneaky, Comrade. Very sneaky.

Next up was sort of like the guy who runs across the outfield naked in the middle of a baseball game. It's an unexpected break in the action (or lack of action, since my metaphor is baseball), but you don't really know what to make of it. Let's call this person CBN4:

"Um, that's not a good thing."

Dude, I think you meant to post that in your "Mystery Science Theater 3000" chat room and accidently typed it into the wrong browser window. Log off and go finish watching "Best Week Ever."

But before I even finished reading this, there it was, a new post from a new player -- CBN5 (I think):

"Consumer awareness is great. But holier-than-thou posting for the sake of ego-boosting isn't helpful. It's just annoying. And I'm not selling anything, simply perusing. I ran across your posting, a type that has become all-too-common on CL (i.e. that thing you are selling isn't worth what you say it is; hey everybody, don't be a moron) and decided to respond. Believe me, smarty: I'm losing no sleep over you."

Clearly trying to play the cool, calm and collected "sanity broker," CBN5 got right onto his/her high-horse and gallopped through a pool of irony by calling out his/her predecessors for "holier-than-thou posting for the sake of ego-boosting."

In the race for the last word, things can often get ugly, and tonight's events were no different. I can't say the fight is over yet, but as of 1:50 a.m. CDT, this epic battle came down to CBN6. I can only hope that CBNs 1 through 5 were wearing industrial-strength athletic protectors, because in trying to end the impasse, CBN6 had his/her sights set below the belt with the less-than-politically-correct image you'll find here. Along with the image (which must be on backorder because I couldn't find it in stock), CBN6 drew a virtual and anonymous line in the sand:

"why don't you guys just have a tug of war and see who wins? no more re:'s please."

Will our world ever be the same. I can't say for sure. But I can say with a fair amount of certainty that I'll never get these last few hours back. For that I will be exhausted in the morning.

However, this is the type of drama you just can buy on eBay. What's more, the ".org" designation of Craig's List makes me think I'm really getting my money's worth. It's sort of like watching something on PBS instead of Game 7 of the World Series and feeling like you didn't miss out on anything afterward. I'm not certain, but I think ".org" means I can write off the time I spent reading this virtual sparring match on my '09 taxes. (As always, consult with your tax professional.)


Separately, to all who participated in the Chicago's World Naked Bike Ride (and skate!) on Saturday, congratulations on your athletic accomplishments and exploits. I'll avoid easy and cheap jokes about performance enhancing drugs that can benefit the naked cyclist and I'll refrain from debating whether you cheated if you wore a helmet. Though given the heavy rain this morning at the scheduled ride time, I will say I'm happy I wasn't riding directly behind anyone in that group. Please don't forget to put yor clothes back on today.

Happy start of the second calendar week of Bike to Work Week (brought to you by stauch supporters of walking, the Active Transportation Alliance).

-TGOTB

Why Don't We Do It in the Road?

I'm not sure how I missed this earlier, but tomorrow -- the official start of Bike to Work Week at the official end of a calendar week -- Chicago will kick off the week-long festivities with the World Naked Bike Ride (and skate!).


As the Chicago Reader points out, the ride is NOT sponsored by the city, and will begin Saturday at 6 p.m. at an undisclosed location. But if you're looking for the starting line, I'd advise you to take off your clothes, get on your bike and pick a direction. Some thoughtful Chicago resident will assuredly point you in the right direction. But please, be kind to your bike and put a towel on the saddle.

The event's official Web site is quick to point out that riders will be "celebrating freedom from oil and the beauty of people."I have seen some of these people (typically on non-bike related "amateur" Web sites) and I would debate the point that they are free from oil. And if I'm interpreting the slogan correctly, riders will also celebrate their freedom from "the beauty of people." This, on the other hand, I can readily confirm (based on the aforementioned Internet locales). While still on the topic, since "skating" is mentioned in the name of the event, I got to wondering if skateboarding is one of those things that "doesn't go with naked." But I digress...

Vote with Your Feet on Thursday ran a piece that also ran in Time Out Chicago on the topic of "Chicago's recent bike parking challenges." Just to clarify, this is an article about the difficulties of finding bike parking in Chicago, NOT an article about Chicago's "bike parking challenged," which is an entirely separate problem.


I was relieved that "locking your bike while naked" was not on the list. Nevertheless, this is yet another thing that "doesn't go with naked."

But what secretes patriotism and freedom more than riding your bike through the city unclothed? Well, now ytou can "ride in the footsteps of Chicago's favorite son, Barack Obama, and learn about the 44th American President's amazing journey to the White House." While conveniently ignoring the fact that our president is not a native Chicagoan and that several other places such as Hawaii, Kansas and Kenya already claim him as their favorite son, Bike and Roll Chicago is offering the Presidential Bike Tour & Trolley Pass. Included with your booking fee will be a bike, helmet, tour, museum ticket, and full-day trolley pass with the Chicago Trolley & Double Decker Company -- because nothing says "bike tour" like a full-day trolley pass. However, the helmet will come in handy, as I've seen many of those trolleys driving around our city.

Speaking of helmets, Chicago's "Helmet Lady," Kathy Schubert of Lincoln Park is back at it! Schubert, who has made it her personal mission to preach the practice of bicyclists wearing a helmet, is also quite an artist. Art? Absolutely. Plagiarism? You be the judge.


The bad news for Saturday is that accuweatherbugchannel.com says it's going to be a beautiful day with nary a cloud in the sky. The good new is that if you want to feel athletic without actually exerting yourself, you can drive on over to watch the Sherman Park Criterium, hosted by XXX Racing-AthletiCo.

And if you're planning to bike-bus-bike, it's critical that you first watch this instructional video, courtesy of the Transit Authority of River City (Louisville, Ky.). Use a bike rack, Kid.

Why can't Chicago get true star power like this behind PSA campaigns?

-TGOTB

The Most Fun You Can Have off a Bike

Aside from the recent spate of wet and unseasonably cool weather, statistical analysis sits right up there as one of the few things that can completely sap the enjoyment out of cycling in Chicago (the others being meteor-size sinkholes scattered through our city's streets and CTA bus drivers). But as blogger Stuart Tiffen points out, the lovable eggheads over at the Metro Chicago Information Center have a new project around Chicago cycling. The Chicago-based not-for-profit research and consulting organization, which among other things can make custom maps based on its data, will be taking part in Chicago's Bike to Work Week and, ahem, examining Chicago cyclists and their habits. So if you're planning to bike to work next week, you'll be helping some really good people "doing good...do better," or so the MCIC site tells me.

What they'll do with their statistical "porn" once they capture it remains to be seen (although it might not be something we'd want to watch).

Speaking of "doing good," if you're looking for an excuse to get your bike out on Sunday, The Make a Wish Foundation of Illinois will hold its 5th Annual Ride and Stride for Wishes at Westfield Old Orchard Shopping Center. Cyclists can choose from a 35-mile or 10-mile ride, and walkers can, well, walk. There will also be a children's parade. It's a good cause, so check it out. You'll find the typical goods: food, entertainment and fully staffed rest stops including refreshments along the bike routes. Registration is $35 per adult and $10 for each child under 10. Online registration closes today, though.

And as CBS2 reported, you can go out to support and cheer on wounded veterans in the Wounded Warrior Project Soldier Ride. It's pretty inspiring stuff. The cycling veterans will be working their way back from Waterloo, Wis., and will end their Midwest tour in Chicago on Sunday with a picnic.

Bonus for next weekend that you can file under "You heard it here first, unless you saw it in the paper, which I where I snatched it from":
If you're a bit more self-involved and the do-gooder lifestyle isn't what you have in mind (trust me, I understand), you might be interested in this Chicago Tribune piece about a developing rail line path on the Northwest Side. While this sounds like the people behind this plan have a lot of chutzpah, I'm having trouble picturing anything other than this. Friends of the Bloomingdale Trail will hold a tour of the elevated rail site at 10 a.m. on June 20 in Churchill Park. Be sure to bring at least a five-spot, the suggested donation. For info, call: 312-427-1979.

And lastly, for those of you who are completely vain and want nothing to do with your peers who ride bikes, you can lose yourself amid the "68,000 acres of adventure" that is the Forest Preserve District of Cook County. After all, there's "no membership required," and you could get yourself plastered on a bus, and countless Chicagoans can watch you exert yourself -- and you won't have to talk to a single one of them.


In closing, I'd just like to thank the political machine of accuweatherbugchannel.com for being way off its game this week. However, after recalibrating my expectations, I now know that "partly cloudy with periods of sun" means "we're rolling on the floor laughing at you because you're gonna get F-ing soaked," and "25% chance of showers means "we're just keeping you on your toes because there's no precipitation within 200 miles."

Enjoy this afternoon's "party to mostly sunny" commute.

-TGOTB

Lox, Onion & Egg on Your Face

So, it appears that Chicago's "First Annual Rev. Jeremiah Wright Hymietown Classic Bike Tour" may not happen after all. Sadly, after Rev. Wright's comments this week in Hampton, Va., Hebrew National and, well, all of Hollywood and Wall Street have pulled out as tour sponsors. When asked about the rift with tour organizers, a Hebrew National spokesman declined comment, citing company policy that it only answer to a single, all-powerful being:



In any event, this news will undoubtedly prove disheartening for scores of avid cyclists, particularly those of the Yiddish persuasion. So, if cheering up is what you need, Chicago's Fork and the Road summer tour might be the perfect tonic. And if cycling in and of itself seems a bit too tedious, rest assured you'll be able to refresh your palette with some light fare (although I'm not sure all of this is kosher):


If a long ride such as Fork and the Road is what you have on the agenda, you'll want to make sure you have a comfortable place to sit while you digest. And when it comes to bike saddles, anyone can fall victim to the "form vs. function" pitfall, myself included. I have spent several months in denial about the Fizik saddle on Black Betty. Hell, I liked the way it looked and I told myself it would break in. I told myself when the weather got warmer, it would get more comfortable. Don't get me wrong, it's a great, fairly lightweight seat, but not made for commuting on North Ave. The more I lied to myself, the more I would show up at the office walking like Yosemite Sam.

Where am I going with this? Nowhere, actually, but I will say that buying bike components is second only to buying a new bike. And there's no better new bike part than the one that was purchased out of necessity. Now I'm not talking sweatpants 24/7 comfort. I haven't given up completely. Just smart and sensible but, you know, without the "crazy, can't hold a relationship together" rumors. After all, you've gotta look out for the matzoh balls.


On another note, don't forget that Bike to Work Week begins Saturday, clearly beginning two days prior to the actual work week to work out the technological kinks of encouraging people to get on their bikes. Bike to Work Week, of course, is brought to you by the Active Transportation Alliance (formerly the Chicagoland Bicycle Federation). I might be overreacting, but I feel like the "bike to work" message might get lost in the political machine of an organization that also lobbies for "walking" and "transit." All I'm saying is that someone who may or may not have been an Active Transportation Alliance employee blew by me on Chicago Ave. this morning while riding(?) one of these. I'm just sayin'.

But whatever you do, be sure to cease biking to work at the end of "Bike to Work Week" for fear of doing something that isn't sanctioned by a coalition of walkers and skate/scooters. Nothing is ever as it seems.

-TGOTB

Hello...Is It Me You're Looking for?

In the words of my favorite former Commodore, "Of course it is, " but alas, I'm paraphrasing. Anyhow, welcome one, welcome all to the blog. I'm proud of you for making it here. While finding Cyclotomy is but one step, it is quite possibly the most important one. You'll hopefully find yourself wasting precious minutes here before you know it.

If you're in downtown Chicago at any point these days, especially during the workweek, you already know that the number of people on bikes could not be growing faster. Well, maybe if they used this video, but that's not the point. Commuting by bike appears to have risen tenfold in popularity since last fall, and I see all types -- all of which I'll attempt to cover in this space. What with the penny-pinching and the warm fuzzy feeling around people "greening" themselves, the increase in cycling makes perfect sense. Plus, bikes have become gotta-have-it fashion accessories, right up there with iPhones and fanny packs.

Exhibit A: Lincoln Park's Dutch Bike Co. Excellent! If you want to spend $1,600 on a half-ton "practical" city bike. Or a cool $3,000 for "The Meaning of Luxury." Perfect for the working professional, who just happens to work at a pet mortuary. Exhibit B: All of the fixed-gear riders who dutifully match the colors on their rigs and pose them perfectly for photo shoots (not that there's anything wrong with it).

A bit about me:
I ride to work downtown from Oak Park every day and I think about bikes all day. I build bikes at home. I sell and buy bikes online like a day-trader on meth. I dream about nipple wrenches, crankarm lengths, and bottom bracket shells. Am I bike-obsessed? Most likely. When springtime hits in Chicago, I get my annual bug. Some people get seasonal depression, I get the "new bike fiend" and start to feel a little like Tyrone Biggums.

Here's what you can expect to find on Cyclotomy:

• News about cycling in Chicago
• Tales from rides with notes about roads, detours, etc.
  
• The scoop on local bike shops
• Dealing with the elements while commuting (weather, traffic, pedestrians, bad roads, that song that's stuck in your head -- you're welcome)
• Bike- and gear-buying tips for those just getting started (what and where to look for used and new bikes, do-it-yourself repair advice, how not to get ripped off)
• Bike- and gear-related content for experienced riders
• How to not get your bike stolen (tips for kepping it secure, what not to do)
• Funny and interesting stuff from around the cycling world on the Web
  

You'll probably also see stories from my own rides, repairs, and bike fantasies, and I'll offer advice and insight along the way.

So thanks for reading, and I encourage anyone to comment or ask questions. I'm including some of my favorite links on the right, and make it easy on yourself: subscribe to the blog on the right as well. Bookmark this page, dammit.

Until next time,
TGOTB