Sanitizing Without Regard for Sanity

I've returned from a nearly week-long hiatus and I want to thank everyone who wrote, concerned about my well-being and my whereabouts. And by "everyone" I mean nobody at all. Thank you for your wishes. I've also received word that some regular readers don't understand some or much or all of what they read on this blog. I kindly thank anyone who's reading and, if you find yourself confused, please don't become frustrated. Instead, please follow this link, and then copy and paste the text from this blog. For the best user experience, I'd then suggest selecting either "Hindi" or "Latvian." After all, everything goes better with curry and Latvian, of course, is the language of love. But let's get back to business.

While many Chicagoans have spent the better part of this week complaining about the stifling heat and humidity, I've instead concentrated on the love of my favorite rap ensemble's anthem. Either way, I think all of us can agree that my inside source at accuweatherchannelbug.com has really been on top of his game over the past five days.

But what really matters isn't how much we sweat while riding our bikes, but how inoffensive we can make ourselves smell after riding. As you may remember, I recently addressed some of the practicalities related to showering at or near your workplace. But as if sent from the gods to render every last word of that post obsolete, Trek has begun to distribute Rocket Shower, "the 'showerless' body cleaner." Faster than Jason Bourne, forget anything and everything I previously suggested about showering. This product is an instant game-changer. As you'll read in the press release, the "world of cycling has just gotten a whole lot cleaner."


monitor.It boggles my mind that we as humans can break the sound barrier, we can put astronauts on the moon, we can allow TV shows such as this to stay on the air for three full seasons -- but it took us until 2009 to repackage Lysol as a shower in a bottle. In fact, I'm pretty sure this is a Photoshopped image of the stuff our IT department gave me to clean my computer. Regardless, the wordsmith who crafted the Rocket Shower press release make a striking point:

"Rocket Shower removes one key obstacle for people looking to commute by bike: personal hygiene."

Amen. If there's one thing that's continually irked me about biking to work, it's personal hygiene and the common misperception that you should be clean at work. I've often asked myself, "Is there really a valid reason I can't spray a concoction of 'trace amount' of rubbing alcohol and car air freshener on my armpits and 'down there' (as the press release so gracefully explains)? Before moving on, I'd be remiss not to point out that Rocket Shower maker Linda DuPriest is a champion of the environment as well (other than the "environment" immediately adjacent to anyone who has used Rocket Shower):

"For those who want to spare the landfill and reuse their Rocket Shower sprayers, gallon and quart bulk refill sizes are available."

(Rocket Shower maker Linda DuPriest spraying down the crowd with her "product.")

Alas, Rocket Shower has forever shattered my comprehension of right vs. wrong. Never again will I take a shower and confidently believe I am doing the right thing. I can only wonder if Rocket Shower works like an addictive drug, where each time you use it, you need more to achieve the desired effect. Before we know it, there could be a generation of cyclists spraying themselves down with gallons of Rocket Shower at a time.

Speaking of addition, before I sign off I'd like to provide a sobering update on my stepfather's condition. Earlier in the week, I received a disturbing telegram from him (he prefers to communicate "the old-fashioned way"). He stated the following:

"Complacency is the worst enemy of addiction. With that in mind, while driving by a bike shop yesterday I spotted a recumbent outside that was for rent and the shopkeeper kindly allowed me to ride it around the parking lot."

If there's one lesson I can offer it is this: The only thing sadder than a grown man (or woman) riding a recumbent bike is that same man (or woman) riding a recumbent bike in circles around a parking lot.

Stay vigilant, my friends, and please keep the comments coming.

-TGOTB